Tom: John Blake was trying to find out about a pendant. The pendant had been stolen from a museum. With his friend, Mary Green, he went to the shop of the bookseller, Mr. Egg. They found him dead, murdered. Someone locked them in the room with the dead body, then set the house on fire. The firemen arrived in the last minute, and saved John and Mary. The detective asked them to go with him to the police station. First he talked to Mary, and then to John. He asked John about his cigarette lighter. “I lost it,” John said. Then the detective gave John a cigarette.
Detective: Do you want a light?
John: Please.
Detective: Here’s a cigarette lighter.
John: But—
Detective: You recognise the lighter, do you?
John: Yes, it’s mine. It’s my lighter.
Detective: Is it?
John: There are my initials: J. B. Where did you find it?
Detective: Near the door of the bookshop.
John: Near the door of the—
Detective: Perhaps this lighter started the fire.
John: But I couldn’t have started the fire, could I?
Detective: Couldn’t you?
John: I told you, I was locked in. The murderer tried to kill me, didn’t he?
Detective: You’re still alive, Mr. Blake, and Mr. Egg is dead.
John: You don’t think I killed him, do you? I couldn’t kill anyone.
Detective: I told you to keep out of trouble, didn’t I? Where did you lose this lighter?
John: Miss Haverel didn’t kill Mr. Egg either.
Detective: Miss Haverel? So, Miss Haverel stole your lighter, didn’t she? I told you not to go to Miss Haverel.
John: She’s harmless. She’s eccentric, but she’s not a murderer.
Detective: Perhaps not, but Mr. Egg didn’t kill himself, did he?
John: It was his own knife.
Tom: The detective gave John a cigarette, then he lit it. John recognised his own cigarette lighter that Miss Haverel had taken from him. The detective said, “It was near the door of the bookshop. Perhaps this lighter started the fire.” They talked about Miss Haverel. “She is not a murderer,” John said. “Perhaps not,” the detective answered, “but Mr. Egg didn’t kill himself.” “It was his own knife,” John replied. He had noticed that it was the knife that the bookseller had threatened him with. He recognised the knife. The detective was disturbed by John. “What am I going to do with you?” the detective asked. “You worry me.”
Father: Christine.
Christine: Yes, father.
Father: Why aren’t you eating?
Christine: I’m not hungry, father.
Father: Christine, you worry me. You don’t eat, you don’t speak, you don’t sleep… what’s wrong? You worry me very much.
Christine: Don’t worry about me, father. There’s nothing to worry about. There’s nothing wrong with me.
Father: I think you’re in love, and that’s quite a problem to worry about.
Father: Where can she be? It’s half past ten.
Mother: Don’t worry, darling. You know she’s always late.
Father: I’m going to phone the police.
Mother: Don’t be silly, my dear. You’re worrying yourself to death.
Daughter: Hello, Mum, hello, Dad. I hope you weren’t worrying.
Mother: Oh, not at all. He just wanted to phone the police, that’s all.
Child: What is this animal, Daddy?
Father: I don’t know.
Child: And that one, the one with the long nose?
Father: I don’t know, Jim.
Child: And what’s the name of that black and white animal?
Father: I don’t know that either.
Mother: Jimmy, stop it, please. Don’t worry your father with your perpetual questions.
Father: He doesn’t worry me. Let him ask. That’s the way to learn.
Tom: At last, the detective said to John, “You worry me.”
Cathy: Did he lock him up? Did he put him into prison?
Tom: Don’t worry your head about John. The detective didn’t arrest him, but John had to promise to go straight home from the police station. “If I let you out, you’d go home, wouldn’t you?” the detective asked. “You wouldn’t play at detectives again, would you?”
Child: Left, left, left-right, halt. Right-left—
Woman: What’s your daughter’s doing?
Mother: Playing. She’s playing at soldiers.
Woman: Playing at soldiers? A girl?
Mother: Well, you see, we always wanted a boy.
Tom: The detective asked John, “If I let you out, you wouldn’t play at detectives again, would you?” He wouldn’t pretend to be a detective. He wouldn’t go on trying to find the thief who stole the pendant, and the person who murdered Mr. Egg. The detective said, “I’m going to give you a chance.” A chance, a possibility. Then he warned John: “If you let me down, I’ll… I’ll jump on you.” If you let me down, if you don’t do as I say, if you promise to stop playing at detectives and then don’t do so, then that is to let someone down.
Woman1: Now, let’s listen to the new record.
Woman2: Where is it?
Woman1: John said he had put it on the shelf.
Woman2: It isn’t here.
Woman1: Oh, he has let me down again.
Woman1: John promised to take Mary to Spain. But he let her down.
Woman2: I know. He let her down very badly. He took Janette instead.
Woman1: John is always letting me down.
Woman2: Oh, I don’t believe it.
Woman1: Well, listen. Yesterday he told me to go to the hairdresser, and he said, “I’ll give Jimmy his supper and put him to bed.” So I went, and when I came back—
Woman2: What happened?
Woman1: Well, my poor little boy was cooking supper, and his Daddy was in bed.
Woman2: Oh, he wasn’t letting you down, he was just enjoying himself.
Tom: Now, let’s listen to the detective and John.
John: You don’t think I killed him, do you? I couldn’t kill anyone.
Detective: I told you to keep out of trouble, didn’t I? Where did you lose this lighter?
John: Miss Haverel didn’t kill Mr. Egg either.
Detective: Miss Haverel? So, Miss Haverel stole your lighter, didn’t she? I told you not to go to Miss Haverel.
John: She’s harmless. She’s eccentric, but she’s not a murderer.
Detective: Perhaps not, but Mr. Egg didn’t kill himself, did he?
John: It was his own knife.
Detective: You noticed that, did you? Yes, it was his own knife, but somebody else used it. We’ll find fingerprints on the handle. Did you touch it?
John: Oh, no.
Detective: We’ll see. But what am I going to do with you? You worry me.
John: You’re not going to arrest me, are you?
Detective: If I locked you up, you’d be safe. If I let you out, you’d go home, wouldn’t you? You’d go straight home. You wouldn’t play at detectives again, would you?
John: No.
Detective: Very well. I’m going to give you a chance. Don’t throw it away, because I’m warning you: If you let me down, I’ll… I’ll jump on you.
Tom: John said to the detective, “I couldn’t kill anyone. And Miss Haverel didn’t kill Mr. Egg, either.” The detective said, “If I let you out, you’d go straight home, wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t play at detectives again, would you?” John said, “No,” and the detective let John and Mary leave the police station. When they were out, Mary said to John, “The detective said you worried him. But he said if you lived long enough, you’d make a good husband.”
Woman: Look at Robert in that skirt, and those high heel shoes, and that flower in his hear. Isn’t he funny?
Mother: Yes, he’d make a pretty girl, wouldn’t he?
Tom: The detective said to Mary, if John lived long enough, he’d make a good husband. He would become a good husband. Then John and Mary talked about Miss Haverel.
John: The detective thought I murdered Mr. Egg.
Mary: He didn’t.
John: He did. He thought I set fire to the shop. What did he say to you?
Mary: He said you worried him. But he said you’d make a good husband.
John: He didn’t.
Mary: He did. He said, if you lived long enough, you’d make a good husband.
John: Oh, you talked a lot about me, didn’t you?
Mary: We talked about Miss Haverel, too. I told him she stole your lighter.
John: He didn’t tell you he found my lighter, did he?
Mary: Did he find it?
John: He said he found it by the bookshop. He thought it started the fire.
Mary: But Miss Haverel stole your lighter. She couldn’t start a fire, could she?
John: Anyone can start a fire.
Mary: But she couldn’t kill anyone, could she?
John: She hated Mr. Egg.
Mary: He was her landlord. Mrs. Cave is your landlady, but you haven’t killed her, have you?
John: Not yet.
Mary: And Miss Haverel is an old lady. She’s not strong. Mr. Egg was stabbed.
John: Mr. Egg wanted to see us at seven o’clock. Miss Haverel heard him, and the murderer was in the shop at seven o’clock, wasn’t he?
Mary: Yes.
Tom: Mary was telling John what the detective said to her. “He said, if you lived long enough, you’d make a good husband.”
Cathy: Tom, I’m worried about this form. “If you lived, you’d make”, it has been used a lot today.
Tom: Oh, don’t let it worry you, Cathy. I’ll explain it to you and the listeners. First, let’s have a look at another sentence. You remember, the detective said, “If you let me down, I’ll jump on you.” The detective wasn’t sure John would let him down. He was meditating, considering the possibility. “If you let me down, I’ll jump on you.” This sentence expresses probability.
Cathy: “If I lock you up, you’ll be safe.”
Tom: “If he lets him out, he’ll go home.”
Cathy: “If I let you go, you won’t play at detectives again.”
Tom: “If he lives long enough, he’ll make a good husband.”
Cathy: Well, you say, these are
probabilities which are likely to happen, but most of the detective’s sentences
sounded different.
“If I locked you up, you’d be safe.”
Tom: “If I let you out, you wouldn’t play at detectives again.”
Cathy: “If you lived long enough, you’d make a good husband.”
Tom: Now, the detective doesn’t expect that the thing he is talking about will happen. “If you lived long enough, you’d make a good husband.” What he means is, “I don’t think you will live long enough, because you are a busybody.”
Cathy: I see. So, in the first case, it’s probable that the thing will happen, in the second case it’s improbable.
Tom: Quite right. And there’s a third case: when it is impossible, when we speak about the past. “If I had locked you up, you would have been safe.”
Cathy: That means, he didn’t lock him up.
Tom: Very good. Let’s see. “If I had let you out, you would have gone home.”
Cathy: But you didn’t let me out.
Tom: “If he had lived long enough, he would have made a good husband.”
Cathy: But he didn’t live long enough.
Tom: That’s it. Now, let’s have
a look at the three types.
“If he lives long enough, he’ll make a good husband.”
Cathy: Probable.
Tom: “If he lived long enough, he would make a good husband.”
Cathy: Improbable.
Tom: “If he had lived long enough, he would have made a good husband.”
Cathy: Impossible.
Tom: And now, Cathy, I’m giving you a chance to exercise your English. But if you let me down, I’ll jump on you.
Cathy: (laughing) All right. I won’t let you down.
Tom: So now,
EXERCISE YOUR ENGLISH.
Exercise 1
This exercise will be in three parts. You’ll be given a sentence with “if”, expressing a probable condition. Next, you must give a version, which expresses an improbable condition, and thirdly, an impossible condition, like this:
A: Probable: You’ll be safe if I
keep an eye on you.
Improbable: You’d be safe, if I kept an eye on you.
Impossible: You’d have been safe, if I had kept an eye on you.
I hope it’s clear, so let’s start.
A: You’ll be safe if I keep an eye on you.
[Your response]
B: You’d be safe, if I kept an eye on you.
B: You’d have been safe, if I
had kept an eye on you.
A: You’ll be safe if I keep an eye on you.
[Your response]
B: You’d be safe, if I kept an eye on you.
B: You’d have been safe, if I had kept an eye on you.
A: He’ll be sorry if he lets you down.
[Your response]
B: He’d be sorry, if he let you down.
B: He’d have been sorry, if he had let you down.
A: We’ll do good work if they give us a chance.
[Your response]
B: We’d do good work if they gave us a chance.
B: We’d have done good work if they had given us a chance.
A: She’ll get into trouble if she speaks to the detective.
[Your response]
B: She’d get into trouble if she spoke to the detective.
B: She’d have got into trouble if she had spoken to the detective.
A: He’ll make a good husband if he gives up drinking.
[Your response]
B: He’d make a good husband if he gave up drinking.
B: He’d have made a good husband if he had given up drinking.
A: I’ll forgive your mistakes if you try your best.
[Your response]
B: I’d forgive your mistakes if you tried your best.
B: I’d have forgiven your mistakes if you had tried your best.
A: We’ll listen to the story if he lets us.
[Your response]
B: We’d listen to the story if he let us.
B: We’d have listened to the story if he had let us.
Tom: Well, if we play our story once again, you’ll listen to it, won’t you? John is at the police station. While the detective asks him questions, he gives him a cigarette.
(at the police station)
Detective: Do you want a light?
John: Please.
Detective: Here’s a cigarette lighter.
John: But—
Detective: You recognise the lighter, do you?
John: Yes, it’s mine. It’s my lighter.
Detective: Is it?
John: There are my initials: J. B. Where did you find it?
Detective: Near the door of the bookshop.
John: Near the door of the—
Detective: Perhaps this lighter started the fire.
John: But I couldn’t have started the fire, could I?
Detective: Couldn’t you?
John: I told you, I was locked in. The murderer tried to kill me, didn’t he?
Detective: You’re still alive, Mr. Blake, and Mr. Egg is dead.
John: You don’t think I killed him, do you? I couldn’t kill anyone.
Detective: I told you to keep out of trouble, didn’t I? Where did you lose this lighter?
John: Miss Haverel didn’t kill Mr. Egg either.
Detective: Miss Haverel? So, Miss Haverel stole your lighter, did she? I told you not to go to Miss Haverel.
John: She’s harmless. She’s eccentric, but she’s not a murderer.
Detective: Perhaps not, but Mr. Egg didn’t kill himself, did he?
John: It was his own knife.
Detective: You noticed that, did you? Yes, it was his own knife, but somebody else used it. We’ll find fingerprints on the handle. Did you touch it?
John: Oh, no.
Detective: We’ll see. But what am I going to do with you? You worry me.
John: You’re not going to arrest me, are you?
Detective: If I locked you up, you’d be safe. If I let you out, you’d go home, wouldn’t you? You’d go straight home. You wouldn’t play at detectives again, would you?
John: No.
Detective: Very well. I’m going to give you a chance. Don’t throw it away, because I’m warning you: If you let me down, I’ll… I’ll jump on you.
(in Mary’s car)
John: The detective thought I murdered Mr. Egg.
Mary: He didn’t.
John: He did. He thought I set fire to the shop. What did he say to you?
Mary: He said you worried him. But he said you’d make a good husband.
John: He didn’t.
Mary: He did. He said, if you lived long enough, you’d make a good husband.
John: Oh, you talked a lot about me, didn’t you?
Mary: We talked about Miss Haverel, too. I told him she stole your lighter.
John: He didn’t tell you he found my lighter, did he?
Mary: Did he find it?
John: He said he found it by the bookshop. He thought it started the fire.
Mary: But Miss Haverel stole your lighter. She couldn’t start a fire, could she?
John: Anyone can start a fire.
Mary: But she couldn’t kill anyone, could she?
John: She hated Mr. Egg.
Mary: He was her landlord. Mrs. Cave is your landlady, but you haven’t killed her, have you?
John: Not yet.
Mary: And Miss Haverel is an old lady. She’s not strong. Mr. Egg was stabbed.
John: Mr. Egg wanted to see us at seven o’clock. Miss Haverel heard him, and the murderer was in the shop at seven o’clock, wasn’t he?
Mary: Yes.
John: Where was Miss Haverel at seven o’clock tonight?
Mary: Let’s find out.
John: How?
Mary: Let’s go back to Miss Haverel.
(theme music)